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October 31, 2001     The Malakoff News
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October 31, 2001
 

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PAGE 6B - The Malakoff News -Wednesday, October 31, 2001 7 Cross Roads Exess:000000 ttle Tale Old Mill Marketplace Office Supply & Copy Center ., =:!:::.:.:S::i:;:::.:i:;:i i  ,:. :.:.:: .: Stylists and Owners Bobby (Morn) & Ira (Son) Morrow DA,,,K,,OTA, HAIR :,DESIGN00 hompoo et 612. O0 Ha/hour 610. 00 Ha/hour  dh/e 616. O0 Peru,n= 6, 7. 00  up Colon 6&.O0  up Highlight 4& O0  up pin=l Penma 660.00 & up Monday through Friday 9:00am - 7:00pm m 677-5051 416 S. Palestine Ste. A Athens The "New" Canton! 1 st Monday Trade Days Hwy.. 64 East- Canton, TX Shopping Rain Or Shine! Visit Over 800 Shops! Pavilions, TheVillage Shops, & The Mountain! Saturday Night Showcase with Free Entertainment! By Carva Robertson Beidler Last week I listed the myths regarding children aiadgrief listed by Dr. Alan Wolfelt at the Con- ference on "Healing the Bereaved Child." Today I will discuss some of the .hi'ghlights on dispelling these myths. Myth #1 :Grief and Mourning are the Same Experience: Ac- cording to Dr. Wolfelt, this state- ment is false. Grief is the inter- hal experience. Mourning is shar- ing one's grief, more through be- haviors. The child does grieve and we need to encourage him (her) tO mourn also. Myth #2: A Child's Grief and Mourning is Short. Those adults who want thechild to "get over it," give e?child the idea that he (she) must be strong. These adults are really protecting them- selves. If they assume the expe- rience is over, they don't have to work with him through the pain. When the child gives the idea he is incapable of mourning he is protecting himself from the hurt in the only way he knows how. Myth #3: There is a Predict- able and Orderly Stage - like Pro- gression in the Experience of Grief and Mourning. False. No two children are alike. Allow the child to be the expert. Do not prescribe how the child should grieve and mourn, but allow him to teach us where he is in the process. Myth #4: Infants and Toddlers are too young to Grieve and Mourn: False. Dr. Wolfelt said babies will protest when threat- ened with separation, death or abandonment. He works with children as young as 18 months. My sister, Gladys, and I had a personal experience to prove ; that. She and her husband moved to Houston shortly after the war. They lived with my husband and ing to adjust my life without ne until they could find a hous6? them. The child does not have4 [heir fi.!tidkvas,,[m wkilm -." lilt ekpedet of lmowifig tha they were living with us. When Elaine was three months old, they moved. One day, Gladys called, she was really upset. She said Elaine had been crying day and night and she 'was about out of her mind. Would I come over. I said, "Oh, she just wants to See me." Of course I was joking. When I got there she was still cry- ing. I picked her up and started talking to her, She snuggled up in my arms and in a few minutes she was asleep. Gladys said, "I guess you were right." We need to support and nur- ture the young child who suf- fers loss of a relationship, by holding, hugging and playing with him. We may be preventing men- tal health care in later life. Myth #5: .The Grief and Mourning of Adults Surround- ing the Bereaved Child has no Impact0n Him: False. When par- entsare-,sad; the child needs to learn that it doesn't mean it is his fault. If he isn't assured of this, he may assume he is re- sponsible. The first step in helping the be- reaved child is to help ourselves by permitting the open expres- sion of our own hurts. Myth #6: The Trauma of Childhood Bereavement Always Leads to a Maladjusted Adult Life: False. Since the 1930's a number of researches have tried to demonstrate this relationship; however, more recent reviews of the research literature have questioned the results. Dr. Wolfelt's own experience has led him that the quality of care provided the bereaved child as he is helped through his mourning is a major influence on his healing. Do not assume that a child, who has experienced death of a loved one, will have a malad- justed life. Myth #7: A Child is Better, off if He Doesn't Attend Funerals: False. The result is that the child is denied the privilege to confront the reality of death with the sup- port of loving adults. The funeral provides a way of allowing and encouraging both adults and the child to comfort each other and express sadness and honor for the person who died. Myth #8: Children Who Ex- press Tears are Being Weak and Harming Themselves in the Long Run: False. If the adults in the child's life believe this of him- self, the child will often follow suit. My personal belief is that God gave us tears to wash away the hurts in our lives. I was not privi- leged to be with my dad when he died; therefore, most of my tears were shed at and after the funeral. I was the main caregiver for my husband and mother dur- ing their illnesses and most of my grief was expressed through the lonely nights of their illness. My mourning came later in try- the person will die, so it comes as a shock. Myth #9: Adults Should be able to Instantly Teach Children about Religion and Death: False. It isn't easy to teach a child about religious and spiritual concepts. The child cannot and need not understand the concepts. Adults shouldn't feel guilty at being un- able to answer questions or give definitions of what happens af- ter death. Myth #10: The Goal in Help- ing Bereaved Children is to Get Them Over Grief and Mourning: False. As the child is allowed to grieve and mourn, he will realize that life will be different without the person who died, but he will also realize that life goes on. The child does not get over grief, he becomes reconciled to it. Again, I urge you who have or work with children to order Dr. Wolfelt's book, Healiag the Bereaved Child. Call the Center for Loss and Life Transition. 970-226-6050, for ordering in- formation. God's Blessings. Sales and Service on Copiers, Faxes and Duplicators BUSINESS CARDS FLYERS LETTERHEADS ENVELOPES '. BUSINESS FORMS COPIES RUBBER STAMPS BANNERS SIGNS VINYL LETTERING (903) 489-3258 1.800-618-COPY FAX: (903) 489-2651 214 S. Terry Malakoff, Texas